There’s a fine line between banter and/or bullying in the workplace.
“Only take the mickey out of people you like, Lou. That way, everyone knows it’s a joke.”
Wise words from my dad.
And he had a point. Banter, that playful back-and-forth we Brits are famous for, can be a wonderful way to build camaraderie. It can lighten the mood, ease tension, and help us bond. But it also walks a tightrope. When humour becomes a weapon rather than a welcome, we’ve crossed a line, and in today’s evolving workplace, we must be mindful of where that line lies.
So, when does banter become bullying in the workplace?
Here’s the thing: banter depends on mutual understanding, trust, and consent. If everyone’s laughing, it’s likely still banter. If one person is squirming, grimacing or mysteriously “working from home” more often, it might be time for a rethink.
The difference often lies in:
Power dynamics: Are you teasing someone in a more junior role who may not feel safe to answer back?
Repetition: A one-off joke might be taken in good humour. Daily digs? Not so much.
Audience: Are you joking with someone, or about them, to others?
As the old saying goes, if it has to be explained, it probably isn’t funny.
Respect Isn’t Censorship
“But you can’t say anything these days!” cry the comedians (and that guy from Accounts who still quotes Little Britain).
Here’s the truth: professionalism doesn’t kill humour; it sharpens it.
We’re not expecting everyone to walk on eggshells, just to read the room. To be thoughtful. To be inclusive. This isn’t “cancel culture” – it’s considerate culture.
Five Things You Probably Can’t Say Anymore (And That’s Not a Bad Thing)
Once upon a time (and not so long ago), you might have heard these thrown around the office. These days, it’s wise to keep them in your mental shredder:
“Cheer up, Love – it might never happen!”
🙅♀️ Condescending, outdated, and assumes someone’s mood is yours to fix.“You’re so OCD about that!”
🚫 Mental health isn’t a punchline. People live with OCD, and it’s not about tidy desks; it’s a debilitating condition.“You’re such a girl!” / “Man up!”
🙄 Gendered jabs just don’t belong in a modern workplace. Ever.“Oh, I’m just the mum of the office!”
👩🍼 While often said with affection by women themselves, this phrase can unintentionally reinforce outdated gender roles, suggesting it’s a woman’s job to tidy up, remember birthdays, and keep the peace. You’re not the ‘mum’ – you’re a professional with your own workload. Let’s stop minimising our contributions!“Is it that time of the month or something?”
👋 Just. No. This one was never okay.
For ‘Mental Health Awareness Month’ and beyond, let’s reframe the chat
This May, let’s focus not on what we can’t say, but on what we should say more often:
“How are you doing, really?”
“I’m here if you want to talk.”
“That’s not okay; are you alright?”
“Thanks for raising that; I hadn’t considered it that way.”
Kindness, curiosity and open-mindedness are always in style.
Final Thoughts about Banter and/or Bullying in the Workplace
As the times continue to change, so must we. Staying on the right side of that fine line between banter and bullying isn’t about dulling your personality – it’s about shining it in the right direction.
Let’s lead with empathy, lift each other up, and keep our humour clever, not cutting. After all, a dream job isn’t just about the role; it’s about the respect, relationships and real wellbeing we experience along the way.
What to Do If You Experience Bullying in the Workplace
If reading this has made your stomach drop, if the “banter” at work feels more like a battle, please hear this loud and clear: you are not imagining it, and you are not alone.
✨ Here’s what you can do to combat bullying in the workplace:
Keep a record. Note down what’s happened, when, where, and who witnessed it. Patterns matter.
Speak up if it feels safe. A calm, direct conversation can sometimes shift things, especially if the other person seems unaware of its impact.
Seek support. Whether it’s a trusted colleague, HR, your union rep, or a professional coach (like me! 👋), sharing your experience is the first step towards change.
Consider mediation. Sometimes, an impartial space can work wonders to rebuild communication and move forward with dignity. DWIB member Serena Davis of Latitude Mediation is a brilliant, empathetic resource if you’re exploring this route.
Know your rights. Bullying and harassment are serious issues under UK law. ACAS (acas.org.uk) offers free, confidential advice and guidance.
Protect your mental health. This isn’t about being “tough enough” – it’s about being valued enough. You deserve better.
💬 If this article is striking a chord, let’s talk.
As The Dream Job Coach, I help professionals like you find the clarity, confidence and courage to move from toxic workplaces into fulfilling careers where they’re truly seen and respected.
Because you’re not here to survive your workday. You’re here to shine. ✨
